Career Break-Up Rules

The rules to follow when you break up with your career:

1. Join an temping agency for 'temporary temping work' and then realise after 8 months that your expected temporary working plan has expired and you are now in fact a long-term temp.
2. Sign-on. This involves going into an actual real life Job Centre. Try not to cry when you are sat with your new 'Job Coach' who talks you through your allowed benefits, instead use the experience to go home and sign up to point 1.
3. Apply for any job that has a heart beat and then get over excited when you get a call from a recruitment consultant you tells you about a job that involves buying bristles for hair brushes which is approximately 40 miles from your house (still commutable if you don't mind getting 1 bus, 2 tubes and an overland train all for the same price as 1 months rent).
4. Go for a boozy lunch with your other friends who have also had a career break-up to celebrate the above point then realise half-way through your Pinot Gorgio that you've actually never wanted to buy bristles for hair brushes and travelling over an hour and half for a job that isn't worth the pittance of the salary they would offer is not actually your dream job.
5. Go back to home and watch 'Escape to The Country' or if late enough 'The Chase' after having a few pinots and eating a club sandwich and chips with said friends (you can't actually afford any of these items)
6. Skip the gym that day.
7. Hope that tomorrow you will get a call for an interview/job/temping role/Euromillions win/rich potential husband.
8. Fall asleep that evening vowing that you WILL get up at 7am for hot yoga followed by interval running training on the gym and then go to the library to apply for jobs and start writing the book you promised your Mum you would start 3 weeks ago.
9. The next morning wake up at 8am watch Good Morning Britain and Lorraine instead of going to the gym.
10. Vow to go to the lunchtime spin class.
11. Repeat numbers 1-8 (leaving out 2).
12. Remember to always wear fabulous shoes and vintage dresses (when not at the gym) like you've had a permanent job your whole life.
13. Go on holiday with your Mum.
14. Get an on-going temporary contract. Get excited about starting it. Realise that it's probably the most boring job in the whole world but have to preserver with it because the hen party to Marbella you're going on won't pay for itself.
15. Start writing again in the hope it'll earn you a triple salary career by Christmas and a town house in Islington.
16. Start imagining Kiera Knightley playing the part of me in the film version of my book.
17. Repeat number 3 over and over and over again.
18. Change careers.

The end.

P.S. It's Metallic Monday 

Plastic Fantastic

Welcome to the craziest shoes I own. You are here to witness my blue plastic gold studded sling backs from Irregular Choice and they were purchased when I was a mere teenager. They have survived many a wardrobe chuck out because really how can anyone depart with shoes of this calibre? I mean they are blue and they are plastic! Did I also mention the gold studs on the blue plastic BOW? The heel even has a tree like pattern. In short these shoes are legendary.

 

However they had been living in the loft of my Mum’s house for a number of years and only saw the light of day again when I went on that infamous ‘loft shop’ I have told you about before. I knew they were in there and I knew that I needed to decide at some point what to do with them (I even asked friends at work for advice) I got an outstanding ‘keep them’. I think it was the gold studded bow that won them over.

 

So here they now are on my size 4 feet (my feet haven’t grown since I was about 16). I’m wearing them with a powder blue mid length skirt from Miss Selfridge and a V-neck white t-shirt from Zara. My hair started its Wednesday 14^th September life down and was even straightened but by the time I boarded the number 30 bus it was up in its oh so familiar top knot. September sunshine and me just don’t mix. I don’t know about you but I don’t appreciate beads of sweat running down my nose or my back on my way to work or any way to anywhere. It’s not what I signed up for. I say yes to warm weather. I say yes to 20 – 25 degree sunshine. I say no to anything higher. Horses and Men sweat, girls do not.

 

Back to the shoes. I’m not going to tell you that the shoes are digging in and leaving red marks nor will I tell you that wearing plastic shoes on a hot day just equals sweaty feet (yuk). I’m going to ignore that both those things are happening and continue my day (obvs I’ve got flat shoes in my Lulu Guinness tote bag). How Kim K wore those see-through plastic boots the other day I do not know but I do pity those around her when those finally came off. Cue clothes pegs around noses….

 

I will wear these again one day, I might even wear them with socks (I probably won’t because I’m defiKnightley not cool enough) so it’ll be sans socks…..oohh my feet will probably lose weight…..every cloud.

Check Mate

Today's shoes are brought to you via the loft. I hadn't forgotten that I had them but I certainly had neglected them. I loved my loft shopping experience when we had to clear out the loft at my Mums house when she had sold it. These beauties (along with my long lost cuddle lamb aptly named lamby and my BFF) were by far my favourite find. 

Don't even ask me where I found them because if you did my answer would be zero to no clue. I want to say I found them whilst on a glamourous and romantic holiday with my equally handsome husband, but I would be lying to you. In reality I probably bought them in Reading with my Mum. Doesn't quite conjure the same image does it. There was no holiday and there is no husband. There is though these heels, a vintage embroidered kaftan and a glass of wine. What more do I need? Oh yes my friends to hurry the F**K up so I'm not sat in this incredibly busy bar on my ownsome!!!

Remember always wear heels because I said so and I'm sure they are good for your health?! 

Fruit salad

Wedgenesday is back. These red numbers come in black too and yes they have gaping big holes in them. I bought them at The Clothes Show when I was about 16 or 17 (can't remember that far back). I used to drag my poor mother around the NEC each year it was on. My love of the fashion industry started then. Perhaps in hindsight a day to a show that consisted of financial services and the like would have landed me a more fruitful career. My career is more like a rotten nectarine. Throw that away and find something more appealing. 

Here's to Thursday, Friday's very close friend. 

When life gives you lemons....

....don't make lemonade. Ask instead for limes and and make a lime cordial. Lime cordial is traditional and never goes out style. Lemonade will eventually go flat. Don't be flat, be zingy like a lime. 

I got handed a big bunch of lemons on Monday and I'm going back for limes. I'll probably put said limes in a new fruit bowl too. The one they are currently in is too large that they have got lost, they aren't appreciated nor are they valued. Time to find a smaller bowl because let's face it its quality not quantity. I'd rather a small bunch of rare and special limes than a whole lemon tree. 

Today's shoes reflect me:

1. They are a bit old but still look good. 

2. They are gold as is my hair (or it will be on Sunday at around 5pm once I've visited my hairdresser)

3. Bit frayed around the edges equals my Hvar holiday weight (I'm off to the gym tonight so I'll get that sorted)

4. They are comfy and although I'm not a comfort shoes kind of a girl this week I am. (See above for reasons why)

So today's lesson is always be a lime. Green is such a good colour on me too it goes with my Irish green eyes. 

The end. 

It'll be all white

Thought it was time to add an entry to this non-existent blog. I'm wearing my favourite shoes in the world ever with one of my most favourite vintage dresses. You may be surprised that my favourite shoes are white stilettos but if Carrie Bradshaw/SJP can wear them then so I can!

I've just returned from what can only be described as a 'lads on tour' weekend in the one and only Benidorm. Why did you go there I hear you cry? Well I have my dear Aunty Maria and her BFF Jan to blame for that. 12 of us celebrated their 50th birthdays and my god did we celebrate. This is a general list of what happened (it's sensored as what happens on tour stays on tour):

1. 3 of us fell over (I might have been one of them). I blame the heels 

2. We drank our body weight in wine and cava but at 2 euros a go who can really blame us

3. We laughed A LOT, mostly at the expensive of others in the group. 'Roids babes. 

4. We have all mastered the slut drop, even my mum. I'm proud. 

We literally drank and laughed our way through 3 days. We all made friends and we've all decided to do it all again next year. Not Benidorm though, once is quite enough.

Until next time...

Field Work

Hello, I know it's been a while and I know you probably feel let down by me but I can only apologise. Here are the reasons for my absence:

1. I ran out of winter shoes/boots 

2. I lost my WIT a woo. I was just woo. 

3. I started to work for a big corporation 

So my first mistake was point 3, they need to teach this primary school, the corporate world equals bullshit. I'm actively encouraging the word bullshit at primary level. Learn young kids, work is a cow pat. 

Fashion corps (where I spend my days) are all plain sailing until one of your vintage heels sinks into the corporation cow field. The cow pats may be scented with Chanel but beneath the Coco its just a mess. Keep caution and stay on the road. 

Obviously dealing with such is not about wellys, it's about putting on your best heels and holding your Great British head up and wading through. Best of girls, best of. 

In light of the above here are the very heels I wore to the Queens Opening Of State Parliament last Wednesday. Queen Elizabeth would never take anything from

a bull so nor should we. 

Here here