Time Machine

Dear Diary,

Let’s pretend that today is yesterday and I’m stillwearing these leopard print heels with this vintage style print dress.

Remember last week when I told you that I had loads of boyfriends at school and I would discuss it with you another time, well maybe this is the time considering it’s yesterday and not today. During the ages of 12 to 16 I had a lot boyfriends. Itwas my golden age but once I hit 17 the gold had turned to a rusty silver. Winter had arrived. 

 

I ask myself what did I had at school that I don’t have know? Maybe it’s standards but I would rather be single than settle for a Volvo. I’ve never enjoyed driving anyway. I get the bus, much more fun. 

I’ve spent the last few days wading through Bumble, Happn and Hinge. Nothing happened so I’ve buzzed off and closed the door before I get my fingers trapped. 

Back to the future, I’m going to try and get chatted up in a real life bar by a real life boy and see if that works. Wish me luck. I’ll let you know how it goes. 
God speedLaura x 

No more bugs

Dear Diary,

I don’t know about you but this so called four day week has felt like it’s been in disguise. I woke up this morning and thought it was Saturday, how could it still be w/c 6th May and I had another full day to get through. Four day week by derrière.

Since we last spoke I told you of my rejection dream, luckily I’ve not had another one since (fingers crossed this continues). In this vien I have been trying not to be single forever by playing hot or not on my various (free) dating apps (I won’t pay for love) but alas all have been ‘not’. Where Hinge would have normally promised a decent looking chap in his 30’s (tall, handsome and v dark please) it now only shows me the complete opposite. It needs an App Store update but not for bug fixes for ‘more hot men needed as Laura is still a statistic’ fix. If I stay on this shelf for much longer I will become institionalised and I’m quite dusty alresdt. At least my shelf is vintage and not made of MDF, imagine the splinters! It’s not the kind of wood I’m looking for. 

Look at my shoes! They are my favourite because I wear them all the time. I love a print clash so I’m matching them up with this vintage red geo skirt it looks like the perfect partnership. At least my shoes and clothes are in a couple. It might be time for a visa marriage.

Speak soon 

Laura x 

Wake up

Dear Diary,

Last week we talked about ghosting this weeks topic is rejection. Most people we know would have been rejected at some point in their life, thosethat haven’t we don’t talk to. This won’t come asa huge shock to you but I have had a good amount of rejection in my 36 years (apart from when at school when I had loads of boyfriends but we will talk about that another time) in my adults years I have become a conisour of rejection. Its even crept into my dreams. Let me give you some background detail on this particular case.

During the winter of 2006/7 the biggest trend was to have a boyfriend so being an avid fan of the fashion industry, I had to get one. In my head he was very much in vogue but in reality he was just very tall and had the personality of a chair. After a year and a half of our version of a relationship he decided to exit stage left. I called it a broken heart, he probably called it escapism. 

It took me a while to get over it but obviously one day I woke up and the thought of him made my skin crawl. This was bad enough to deal with all those years ago so please tell me why I now dream of him rejecting me again! In this dream we talk of getting back together but then he never texts me (how familiar) he eventually tells me, he’s not really into me. That’s fine, I’m not into you either, go away.  I literally wake up in a cold sweat. This is the definition of a nightmare. Gabriella once sang ‘Dreams can come true’ she obviously never dreamt of her boring ex boyfriend ghosting her. 

Today, to cheer me up, I wore my favourite and most worn boots ever with a tassel dress. I look after these boots, they have been to the cobblers a few times, I won’t let them reject me. 

Off to dream about ponies and sandwiches. 

See you soon

Laura x 

Fancy dress

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I wore some white boots (New Look) with a grey knitted dress (H&M) My bag is Lulu Guinness and the scarf Moschino.

After Monday’s entry when I told you all about ghosting so I thought I would take my dating disaster as my inspiration for said outfit. I’m not scared, are you? Miss Haversham looked like a ghost for many years and she was loaded. I believe that when Charles Dickens wrote Miss Haversham he was also able to look into the future and witnessed my own ghosting and from there Lady H was born. One major difference though, she got to wear the wedding dress, she got to walk down ‘the aisle’, ok she didn’t get the marriage afterwards but at least the thought was there. The only aisle I walk down is the one in M&S that sells sandwiches and as much as I love their club sandwich I’m not sure it’ll marry me. 

So let’s not look at Miss H in sorrow the women got asked by a real life man to marry her. The jilt is mearly detail. Ok ok the man wanted her money only but you know at least he asked! Also, wedding dresses are rather pricey so why not wear it forever, think of the cost per wear and by all accounts it was a very nice dress. Look at he positives Miss H, at least you got asked I can’t even get a text back. You might look like a ghost but I’m the queen of ghosting! 

With that in mind it time to download tinder again, wish me luck. 

Until next time 

Laura x  

Boo

Dear Diary,

Today I wore blue and pink polka dot kitten heels and teamed them with a utility jumpsuit. As you can I’m wearing an anklet too which is very old school but very much in vogue. I don’t know if you remember but they used to be associated with being a lady of the night..I mean I’ve had a slow year so far so you know if the shoe fits.....

I’m still single but now as I’m 36 I am considered a relic. I live in a display cabinet in the National History Museum. I can get you a discount on tickets if you want to see me? Let me know. 

There is this new term now re dating that I didn’t tell you about before. I have quite a bit of experience in it too, I’m somewhat of an expert. It’s called ghosting. The irony is I don’t even believe in gauls yet I keep getting haunted. It only happened less than a week ago, at first I thought something was wrong with my phone, perhaps WhatsApp was on the blink but after receiving a number of messages from my mother it all became clear, the ghost has striked again. One day it was constant the next day ‘boo’. 

From this day forth I will be the lady with all the kitten heels.

See you tomorrow 

Laura x 

Seasonal Produce

Dating in London during the summer is like food shopping. One week there are more avocados then you can deal with, the next there is a global shortage. As soon as the sun arrives single girls experience a decline of descent single men. Happn and Tinder become obsolete. The best produce disappears on stag do's, weddings and 'lads' holidays (AKA wine tasting in France with their coupled-up mates. You can all it lads on tour as much as you like, we all know that you'll be in bed by midnight - you've got that 20k bike ride tomorrow. 'Lad's' holiday my a**e).

Men are just not in season during the months of June, July and August and to be honest the majority of September (depending if it’s an Indian one or not). They are out on long lunch and will be back in October to test the waters. By autumn the stag do's have been and gone, married friends have gone back into hibernation and all the BBQ's have dried up. The single men that didn't find a mate during the summer at one of the thousands of day festivals that happen at the drop of a flower adorned head garland creep back onto Tinder, tail between legs. Do not despair though they are heavily back in the room in November when frost hits the tarmac of London streets, no one wants to slip on the ice on their own. Then the race is on to get a boyfriend for Christmas because the thought of spending the entire Christmas period scrolling through the many Facebook pics of engagement rings without a significant other when you are knocking on the door of 35 leaves you feeling like you might need medical attention. 

Please don't get me wrong though I also have a busy summer social life. I go out...a lot. Although obviously I haven't met any men in real life situations, that only happens in films. In addition most of my friends are married and also now parents so there is very little opportunity to meet a future date in their company. Single people get screened at the gate, no baby, no entry. So, I'm left scrawling through Happn to see if any new produce has arrived on the shelves but inevitably it ends up being the same old rotten apples that you couldn't even make a crumble with. With that in mind is off to the gym again on Friday night with the other single summer sufferers of Islington. If only Fitness First served pinot.....

I know you've seen these shoes before on another post but I see the same single men on different apps so welcome to my world.

P.S. You've not seen them teamed with a vintage dress/kaftan that has an embroidered parrot on with the words 'Costa Rica' below. You are spoilt rotten.

Summer Blues

I like summer as much as the next person but I live in comfort when the thermometer sits between 22 degrees and 26 degrees, higher temperatures need not apply. Call me crazy but I don't enjoy beads of sweat pouring down my face when I've completed my look for the day. Sweat doesn't go with any of my wardrobe. Of course when I'm at the gym its a different page in the book, the more beads the better, get those carb calories out. In normal life I don't look to perspire for fun.

As soon as the sun comes out we are obliged to wear less clothes and this seems to be more apparent  when I go to the gym. Gym goers of the female kind seem to take the mantra 'less is more' far too literally for my liking. Yes, well done you have a wash board stomach, a well-achieved thigh gap and arms that rival your thighs BUT I don't need to see them all at once on the treadmill, cross-trainer and the gym floor. My idea of dressing for the gym during the summer months is moving from a full length running legging to a cropped one that sits mid calf. My t-shirt remains short-sleeved and long enough to cover what God gave me and the gym is helping me amend. If I do feel extreme heat I may tuck the short sleeves under my industrial looking sports bra, this will only happen under severe circumstances. The same rules apply for my barnet. A top knot and a thousand kirby grips are more important to me than my trainers. I don't want any loose strands sticking to my skin and by the way Miss Thigh Gap I don't care to see your sweaty hair either. Answer me this; why oh why must people, including men who care for a longer hair cut, feel the need to not befriend hair bands. Do not tell me that when you are running/sprinting/spinning/cross-training etc that it feels comfortable having your hair sticking to your neck like superglue. If you go to the gym to pull then I hope its a muscle.

I was at the gym last Friday night, I'm there most Friday nights due to lack of dates (dating isn't in season during the months of June, July and August). As I was burning those carb calories I came to the conclusion that there are two types of people who go to the gym on a Friday night:
1. Those that are single.
2. Those that who want to be single.

Obviously I fit into the first category, probably always will, until I settle for the man equivalent of a Volvo and move into category 2.

Disclaimer: The above is not likely to happen due to having higher standards than I should. Leave me in category 1 until further notice, or at least until winter when dating is back in Vogue.

These shoes are from Monday but lets face it a Wednesday can feel like Monday particularly when its long and unnecessary.